Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
