I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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