I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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