found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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