I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
