How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
