Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
