i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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