someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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