No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
