She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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