sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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