i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
