Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
