hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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