he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
