WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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