Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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