Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
