My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
