found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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