oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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