I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
