At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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