I'm passing your future prison.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
