He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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