I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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