oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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