you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
