im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you didnt know i had herpes?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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