so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
