i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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