Got a toothbrush?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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