My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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