The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
