I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
