my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
