I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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