Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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