and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
