I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
