Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
