I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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