evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
