meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was CRYING into my vagina
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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