I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
