I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
