so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
