oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
