I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
