dude i'm inner monologue high
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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