Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
