I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
