Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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