I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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