so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need to get me chipped asap
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
