So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
