Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
