i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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