You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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