how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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