do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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