I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
PANTIES FOUND
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