you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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