Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
