dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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